I miss my grandpa...What should i do?

I think it's been about 1 year since his death. i didn't cry when i heard he ped away. I didn't cry at his funeral. I broke down just now, suddenly realizing that hes gone. Forever. I cant see him anymore. i remember calling myself a b***h for not having a heart. at his funeral, i sat in a daze. I was just daydreaming i guess. I don't know why i just recently started crying. its as if i didn't know he was dead. I was so close to him. and the painful years he spent in the hospital not know who he was or his family. It was painful to see that he didn't know who i was, his favorite granddaughter. I don't know why im crying like this. especially since its been about a year. I was just on the phone with my friend and said that she didnt cry until 2 days after her dog died cause she didnt want to belive that he was actually dead and said that i refused to belive that my g-pa ped away. UGH idk :'[